BECOMING SELFISH AND SELF CENTERED

Our family have changed, and it make me wonder why for instance I taught my children to love each other yet there seems to be animosity between the three.  Oh hi I am the author of this writing and a Mother of THREE, grandmother of three great grand mother of three.  Some of my grand-great grand children I have not meet as of yet this leaves me looking forward to meeting them before they become adults.  I also raise two grand children and tried to teach them the love of family.

But this is not about them it's about me and what I am dealing with there is my sister and brother who are suppose to be our mother care-givers instead one want to run everything and speak to other as if they are the authority.  I talked to my mom (who is in stages of dementia) an ask her to come and live with me she thought that would be a good ideal this way nobody will be calling me with all of these things that are going on regarding our mother.  The person who wanted to take over every thing is now claiming that they can not do it all and the person in the home with her is not doing the incorrect thing to taking care of her.  As the oldest I must put an end to everything and step up my authority that was given to me at birth.  This is the way we were raised.

I do this with a heavy heart but on the other hand I know she will be well cared for here with my.  This will clean up some of the time and the person who are getting tired can get their rest.

Now let me explain the person that I am today, I hate pushy people that are constantly at my hills nibbling.  Most of the times to keep down confusion or an argument I allow them have it their way.  No more this is the end of that.  I once loved argument and would not give it up but now I have no taste for it, arguing just makes my head hurt, I am thinking now that perhaps I should bring back that old person that I changed from ten of fifteen years ago, the one who will stand her gowns good or bad.  I am from now on going to stand up to those who speak harsh world no matter how they may feel I am going to stop taking the high road and meet them on their leaver this is my stance as of this writing.

I just though instead of calling this myself and family differences I thing I am going to change it to selfish Marie Russell-Barker.  I am tired of being the I understand person from now own it will be if someone bring it I will meet them more than half way this is my time to stop those who think that they can step on me hurt me and look me in my face and I say nothing damn a peace of family I have tried it do not work.

Those who reads this and go tell some one that it is not interned to be address to this is my thoughts get your life in order before peering into mine.  To those who think that their Families are better take another look.

As I type this things and hurtful thoughts of the things that have been said and done to me things that I did not and still do not deserve. Heart pains are very hard to get rid of it sticks in the mind and pokes at your heart string until the only things that can seem to help are tears but I refuse to do that not now not ever.  I have not done anything wrong except for not take up for me and as of today I will be standing up no more allowing people bully me!

I am so tired of all the bull that I sometime want to just give it all up but that would only say that they won I must fight the battle of all, getting my mother home and taking care of her the rest will follow.  Usually I would close with some sort of a good word today I do not have that stimulus, not now it has faded away like a flower in the sun dried and wizard up all gone with the win.    

  

Families DIFFRENCES

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FAMILY: IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

Sitting at my computer wondering what have gone so far wrong withing the family and why have I just now become to know my family and have decided that I don't know these people any more.   I have all ways said that those you think will will not those you thing will not will.  I realize this sound like double talk but to me it makes a lot of sense.  Sister and brother are acting as if they hate each other with one deciding that she no longer belongs to the family (children) personal sister and brother argueing over some one that I love and is my friend acting as if she is an object instead of a person.  I can not list the things that are going on here in my life for fear of some one reading it and drawing their conclusion of the subject matter when theirs is almost like my family Alol and that is a killer.

I am speaking about my personal family now my children.  Back a while I changed my life from some one that I was to the person that I am now.  But always kept my mother's teaching in mind family with me have always come first and that's it.  I thought my teaching of my children would be the same but not by a long shot, this is what I am finding out.  My daughter have grown to be this person that I no longer know.  My oldest son is some one at one time I wished he would be with out of course all of his baggiest I can live with those honest and up front.  My daughter have become sullying and more agitated than she was now it is as if she feels that if she don't know it will not effect her what is going on in the family.  I don't like the way she treats me either (we will have that talk) she accused me of loving my two boys better than he and that I have always loved them better.

I must let her know that I expected that when she was younger but almost fifty years of age she should have grown a little she keeps herself from growth by the way she interact with her family, I can not go into other details but because I would be her all day.

I have all ways treated my daughter as if she was special because she is special to me and will always be special but this strain that tugs at my heart is beaning    to take a toll on me and my life. 

My husband a man that is a total stranger to me we are married no children between us.  All my children are adults and so is his daughter, just because I was raised one way a loving way and care about my children it seem to cause a conflict between he and I.  He believes in tough love I don't I have experience what that can do to a family member who needs you and I will not go down that path of life.  I guess what I am saying is this I was this way when we became a married couple nothing was hidden why should there be now.  Yes my children half especially my elders depend up on me My children father died therefore leaving me to take the place of both father and mother.  I can not just turn my back on them now.

After saying all of that let me speak about myself  for a while hope you don't mind.
I am easy going and some times allow those close to me walk all over me for the sake of peace.  As of this writing I will no longer be that person no matter what the situation  is.  I have decided to step up and stop those that I care about from stepping all over me.  These are my finally days here on earth and I intend to live them the way that I want to not the way others want me to.

Starting now today I will become that person that I was a long time ago, only to those who push and think that I will not respond to their criticizing.  I refuse to live the life others so comfortable have decided that this is the way I must live.

Most have forgotten that I am their rock and if it was not for me they would be up the creek with out a paddle.  I am no longer going to allow any body to push me any longer.  I PLAN

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DO YOU REALIZE HOW INTERCONNECTED WE ARE WITH THE WORLD AT LARGE!

Some times it is hard to imagine how close we are to each other in different Countries than ours, but here lately we are beginning to try to understand the complicated situation of how we are connected.  After all we are so far apart each of us are left wondering what the?  Do that have to do with us, in order to understand what happened over the last couple of decades we must learn about money and how it travels, no not by carrier Pigeon any longer (LOL) but by the thing that we all have become attracted to and if you are not attracted to it and don't know how to use it you are pretty much left in the dark.  It's call the Computer and Key board, but that is getting off the subject another thing that we must know is how Stocks and Bonds are  traded Money being made no, not printing it but actually a return on you dollars.

Last night I watched Inside Trading, and it was really worth it to watch especially like a laymen as myself, I have to admit I have no ideal how the Stock Markets works except to say I do not understand it.  as is appears on the Television, and how to spend it.

Not to worry our Big Businesses especially the Banking Community they know how to cheat play by the rules spend money it does not have use your money to do it all with and why not  your money (some of it any way) is insured by the Unite State so they gamble and lost using your money.

We can not pretend that the Government did not know this was going on because it was reported to them more than once but they kept that to themselves and told those who was reporting that a big bubble within the housing market was accumulating only said in return that the market was sound and safe.  Hum hum, sound like I have heard that from some place oh yest the President GWB all ways said this when he was asked about the economy "it is sound and good" do you remember that too.

Like most of you even if I knew what I was looking at from a stand point of following the money I would not have known what to look for or what it all meant.  This is what happened Wall Street and the Banking industries have tangle and tied so much to what should be simple into a completed ball all wind together until I am not sure if they could explain it or even know what to do to stop it.

We thought after the S&L situation that these money affairs was over oh boy were we wrong the Banks began to buy each other and grow out of control then started the same thing that the S&L did, even went further, the United State Federal Government made it easier for them by relaxing the REG.S (Rules and Regulations) allowing them to write their own rules and Regulation after all the Market can take care of itself better than the Government leave them along and they will do the right thing.   Before we get all gite and excited about the Republican I want to remind you that Clinton was there in much of this.

Clinton ran on cutting Welfare causing homelessness to rise to a new all time leaver and many more things some of  us can not remember these thing for two reason first it was before your time, second it was your time but you rather think of the pass as a romantic time to live, the Clinton years was just as horrible  as some of the Republican was back in the day.  Clinton turned a blind eye toward what was happening with these big banks or he knew he would not win that fight I can not speak for him but common since tells me that it had to be one or the other.

To help out our economy and kill the Middle Class, along came George W. Bush and cut taxes for the upper income (yes trickle down effect) which have never worked now those left behind (Republicans) seems to be stuck nobody have a brain and will not allow any one with half a brain pull us out of this situation.  It was not borrowing to much when they allowed the Pharmaceutics companies write the health care bill called part D.  It was not borrowing when Bush states on the television news that he thought everybody should own his own home, giving the Mortgage Bankers and Banks to get started giving everybody that wanted a home one.  I want everybody to have a home too, but if you can not afford it don't purchase it.  It was Bush who helped us out further with two wars.  Did I mention that nothing Mr. Bush put in place was not paid for not the medic-en the wars no rules or regulation home owning no child left behind.  He did not pay for any of his ideals that was passed by congress.  Now of course some of those same  people are hollering that we are borrowing to much but never mention why?  It is not because it's for us it is to pay for ten years of nobody paying for anything this is why we are borrowing.  

If any of you get a chance to watch Inside  Trading please do watch it is in-lighting  and will help you to understand why we had to bail out America's Bank and what happening around the world now remember if they fall down we all fall down.  Until next time I am signing off
Russell It's A Family Affair.