Saturday, December 10, 2011

BECOMING SELFISH AND SELF CENTERED

Our family have changed, and it make me wonder why for instance I taught my children to love each other yet there seems to be animosity between the three.  Oh hi I am the author of this writing and a Mother of THREE, grandmother of three great grand mother of three.  Some of my grand-great grand children I have not meet as of yet this leaves me looking forward to meeting them before they become adults.  I also raise two grand children and tried to teach them the love of family.

But this is not about them it's about me and what I am dealing with there is my sister and brother who are suppose to be our mother care-givers instead one want to run everything and speak to other as if they are the authority.  I talked to my mom (who is in stages of dementia) an ask her to come and live with me she thought that would be a good ideal this way nobody will be calling me with all of these things that are going on regarding our mother.  The person who wanted to take over every thing is now claiming that they can not do it all and the person in the home with her is not doing the incorrect thing to taking care of her.  As the oldest I must put an end to everything and step up my authority that was given to me at birth.  This is the way we were raised.

I do this with a heavy heart but on the other hand I know she will be well cared for here with my.  This will clean up some of the time and the person who are getting tired can get their rest.

Now let me explain the person that I am today, I hate pushy people that are constantly at my hills nibbling.  Most of the times to keep down confusion or an argument I allow them have it their way.  No more this is the end of that.  I once loved argument and would not give it up but now I have no taste for it, arguing just makes my head hurt, I am thinking now that perhaps I should bring back that old person that I changed from ten of fifteen years ago, the one who will stand her gowns good or bad.  I am from now on going to stand up to those who speak harsh world no matter how they may feel I am going to stop taking the high road and meet them on their leaver this is my stance as of this writing.

I just though instead of calling this myself and family differences I thing I am going to change it to selfish Marie Russell-Barker.  I am tired of being the I understand person from now own it will be if someone bring it I will meet them more than half way this is my time to stop those who think that they can step on me hurt me and look me in my face and I say nothing damn a peace of family I have tried it do not work.

Those who reads this and go tell some one that it is not interned to be address to this is my thoughts get your life in order before peering into mine.  To those who think that their Families are better take another look.

As I type this things and hurtful thoughts of the things that have been said and done to me things that I did not and still do not deserve. Heart pains are very hard to get rid of it sticks in the mind and pokes at your heart string until the only things that can seem to help are tears but I refuse to do that not now not ever.  I have not done anything wrong except for not take up for me and as of today I will be standing up no more allowing people bully me!

I am so tired of all the bull that I sometime want to just give it all up but that would only say that they won I must fight the battle of all, getting my mother home and taking care of her the rest will follow.  Usually I would close with some sort of a good word today I do not have that stimulus, not now it has faded away like a flower in the sun dried and wizard up all gone with the win.    

  

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