Saturday, July 16, 2011


I miss my best friend that I have every had we have been friends all of my life, you see she is my mother, and we were best friends.  She is still living and no we did not have a falling out nothing that silly because I can not think of anything being so sill as not to be friends with ones mother!

No My mother have dementia, and we know what that will lead to eventually,  I call he now some times and she forgets that we have talked together the next day.  We once had such a good time together raising our children together helping each other through rough and good times talked about every thing under the sun.  Laugh and cried together.  We were very close now I am left along and quite true fully I am not sure how long I can stand steady in this life with out her.  She looks the same but I know and she knows.  I want to bring her home with me but I'm not the only child that she have and another reason she want to remain in her own home so until that is impossible for her to do I must leave her where she is.

Oh but how I love her and she is being robbed of who she once was by a disease that seems to be unstoppable I prey that soon there will become a cure for Alzheimer, so no other daughter or son or mother will ever have to watch a love one designate before their eye knowing that they are all ready gone just still breathing it takes away memory and the indignant from them, they become shells of themselves.

I often time wonder if it would be better if she had died leaving us but not this way but with dignity and awareness of self.  It is as if I have nobody to talk to about how I feel about my mom.  Most don't want to even call her others I have to remind and then they don't.  My God some times I pray that you would just take her and then maybe thing will not be so hard on her or me.  There are family matters that I don't want to get into but after she is gone I am finished.  It hurts to write these thing but I thought if I just said them out loud if I just had some one to talk to maybe I would not have to write these these things down.  A lot of thing in my life have hurt me but this is the worst pain that I have ever had to bear.

Each time that I talk with her she never forget to ask me about the family, how is this one and how is that one.   She have her good day and her bad one but I guess that is the way it works, some times she acts the same way I remember her being when we would cook our holiday dinners together put up kids toys with tools we weren't use to using but learned to do so.  I think of all the times we would call each other and talk for hours now when I call her she talks for a while and soon say by.  My God some time I pray why her she is such a good mother and friend to have why her.  This is not the end but I must say so long as she would say to me before she began to forget because she said good by was to final but so lone meant we would see each other again.
By: Marie Russell